如何與有性困擾的人士同行 How to walk with those in sexual struggling
How to walk with those in sexual struggling
So how do we help people to deal with gender issues, may it be orientation or identity? I think that the first thing we want to do is not to judge people. Very often, somebody come and share their stories with us. The first response is not to pull back in shock, and fear, or even horror, but to have the sense of openness and acceptance and not judge or pre-conceive what other people may be trying to express. I think that’s really helpful for somebody who is undergoing not just gender issues but anybody who comes with pressing need to share their burdens on their heart.
I think the other area is, not to focus on the person’s sexuality. As Christians, I think that very often, we would tend to judge, and say, “Oh, because of your sexual sin, it seems to be very much more serious or more sinful than another.” But I think the Bible tells us that all of us have fallen short of the glory of the Lord, and we should try to reflect that to the person who is struggling and comes to us to seek help.
Obviously, we need to improve our listening skills, very often we tend to be so quick to want to say what’s on our mind but let’s first listen with open heart and loving arms to be able to embrace people coming to us to seek help. We want to be kind and just radiate that glow as it were of love and acceptance to people who struggle with areas perhaps we ourselves don’t understand. The first point of connection is that we want to be able to engage with you. I think that’s very helpful for somebody who is struggling with either orientation or gender identity issues.
It’s always important to be honest with the person whom we are trying to help, what I mean by honesty is in several areas. First of all, if we don’t really understand the situation or understand the emotions that the person is undergoing, it’ll be very helpful to say, “I really don’t understand.” Sometimes, we pretend that we know better or that we give a condescending attitude where we take the higher ground and we seem to be so self-righteous that is really not helpful. In fact, that often isolates people and put a gap between you and the person whom you are trying to reach. We ought to honor the trust of people who come to tell us their stories. It takes a great effort for people to even open up to talk about themselves. We want to be able to maintain confidentiality. Very often, we feel that we want to share that with some other persons because we feel burdened and all that. I think we need to find the right time and place to do this. I am not saying don’t share with anyone else. I am saying do it if we need to, sensitively. We need to honor the trust the people who come to us to open up their lives. Let’s learn more about the issue at hand, be it gender, identity disorder or same sex attractions, or in fact any other issue that the person is trying to express. We shouldn’t speak out of our own ignorance, or trying to pretend we know something when we don’t really know very much about the subject matter. So be educated about it. Let’s treat everyone with respect. People whether of any orientation or belief system would need us to respect them just as we expect others to respect what we feel and our belief as well. So we should be able to extend the same to others.
We want to establish boundaries, what I mean is to be able to have a line that says “I can help you, but perhaps until this stage” if that’s where we are comfortable at doing and let’s not be afraid to lay these boundaries for others as well as for ourselves. Finally, is to deal with the grief. There’s a lot of sorrow and sadness for people who have suffered loss and therefore affecting their orientation or their identity and people may struggle with, instances of molest or abuse or some violence that has been perpetrated against them. So we want to be able to process the grief with others and to enable them to feel that they can be understood by us. Finally, let’s love them with all of our heart.
